Tuesday, 13 October 2009

An Arbitrary Grading ....

The number of things on our to do list that are "in progress" has increased significantly over the last few weeks I am relieved to say although nothing but booking the church is as yet marked as "completed".

One little tick though goes next to the guest list.

I think.
Oh my days it's a tricky one. Via the wonder of Google Docs we set up a shared spreadsheet upon which we added absolutely everyone we could possibly wish to have at our wedding. So did our parents. Unsurprisingly we ended up with a list of several hundred people. So a couple of weekends ago Nick and I crept home to Ma and Pa's with more than a little trepidation, to refine the list. Trepidation because we'd heard so many horror stories about the fearsome family feuds that erupt during this process. Well maybe you could put it down to a good Sunday roast, or maybe there is no-one in our ken contentious enough to argue about, or maybe my folks just rock, but Montague and Capulet it was not.

However, as we aimed to get it down to about 100 and the ‘A’ list was well over that, we all became steadily more hard-hearted. Ma and Pa were pretty ruthless but in the most gentle and humorous way, as they dozed by the fire with the cats on their laps ...

"Well, yes they are our best friends but their children are younger so maybe they can come to a little sisters' wedding."

"Oh, they'll still be our friends if they don't come."

"we'll invite them for a holiday instead"

but mostly it was "B list" "B list" "B list"

"have we made it to the 'A' list ??"
It felt quite ridiculous doing this sometimes – as though we were putting some kind of arbitrary grading on friendships and relationships - as though it was some kind of ghastly VIP list - aren't we being a bit pooterish? Maybe no one would want to come anyway? Maybe they'd rather all be at Glastonbury that weekend???

Finally we got down to the very barest bones of our friends and family circle. And yet it still wasn't under a hundred. We settled it at 120. Half a dozen or so of those were either over 90 or living so far away we could confidently expect them not to come and maybe a few others wouldn't be able to make it. Not that I would wish even half a little finger of those people away.

Convention says invitations should go out a maximum of 2 months before the wedding but since everyone will have to buy plane tickets and book hotels etc we’re going the “Save the Date” thing too – we are aiming to get these out within the next week or so, mostly by email to save money and the planet. Ideally we’ll have a very simple (not at all cheesy in any way) website URL included. I know I know – websites are often horribly naff but it will contain maps and hotel info and hopefully guest can arrange car shares through it, things like that - useful stuff.
I just wonder though, can you ask people to RSVP to Save the Dates? It would help so much if we knew if anyone definitely couldn't come...
picture via Life.com

1 comment:

  1. I meant to comment ages ago about the save the date RSVP as I totally think you can ask people. We have friends who are getting married in Italy too and they sent their save the dates really early just with a note saying it would be lovely if you could join us. Everyone then just got back to them and said yes/no etc which was a lot easier for them to plan.

    and yes, how hard is the list!