40 days and 40 nights

that's all there is to go ... holy crap!**

Although thinking about it, when I give up chocolate for lent, forty days seems like ages.

And with that tenuous link I thought I'd mention a few things about our church wedding...

[our little church where we are getting wedded]

I've mentioned before that we're getting married in the little church in our local village in Italy and because I am a Catholic we can do the whole ceremony, including all the legal bits, right there in church on the day.*

The Deacon there has been so sweet and helpful and he found us an English speaking priest based nearby who would perform the service for us.

We were pretty nervous about meeting him. The service is after all the most important part of the whole shebang and the officiating priest can make a huge difference. For example, it’s up to him whether we have communion during the service or not (we really didn’t want it as it would make the service so long). We also had another unorthodox request - we really wanted my mother’s cousin, who is a priest and knows us both well, to have a part in the service, preferably doing the sermon. Thing is, he’s a Lutheran priest not RC. Would this priest be ok with that? I couldn’t see why not since it’s all the same God after-all, but you never know. Nick managed to convince himself that our guy would turn out to be a real fire and brimstone ‘you’re all going to hell’ kind of dude, would speak with a incomprehensible drawl and generally steamroll his way over everything ... and we had no alternative!

So yes, we were nervous about meeting him.

Father Brian turned out to be an Augustinian friar based in San Gimignano. Originally from Boston but living in Italy for nearly forty years, he has a really calm and easy going demeanour - we both immediately felt we were in the safest pair of hands. He loved the idea of Mama’s cousin being involved and gave us a pretty free reign with the order of service. And my parents liked him because he was an academic and chatted about history and architecture - as we left his Cloisters my mother said ‘never mind him being your priest, I want him as friend!’

So nerves all gone and sighs of relief sighed (or excited jumping up and down in my case.) And a bit of quirkiness for our guests: an American Catholic priest doing all the weird and wonderful bells and smells stuff we do, and a German Lutheran priest, with his funny ruff collar and a very personal homily.

So now we’ve chosen our readings and our readers. We’re doing traditional vows. We’ve chosen our entrance music. We've picked a few hymns which we need to narrow down to three. Just need to find some recessional music (all suggestions welcome!)

*(Unfortunately Italian state doesn't recognise weddings of other denominations hence most English people marrying in Italy have to do a registry office ceremony beforehand.)

**OK - now it's 39. I wrote this yesterday but didn't get around to publishing as something rather exciting happened yesterday. Will fill you in anon.

Winter Blues

I feel as though I have had a tissue attached to my swollen red nose since the clocks went back. I really dislike winter – I love the idea of frosty clear days, snuggling by a fire and cute cashmere socks but the reality of damp toes and darkness and layers and layers of scratchy wool make me cranky. I’m no good at being ill either and I’ve gone from having strep throat to full on cold and just when I have finally recovered Christmas party season starts and I’ve caught “wine” flu. Whinge whinge whinge!

But little bits of progress on the wedding front are cheering me up (although trying to imagine June is almost beyond me). Deposits are down on some important things, one of which is the venue for the aperitivo (reception) just after our service. It’s a medieval fort in the middle of the village which has a nice restaurant and rooms where some of our guests and most importantly, Nick’s family, will be staying. They also make their own wine and beside the old cellars they have a lovely big lawn that looks out over the vineyards and across the beautiful valley to our house, where the evening’s festivities will be taking place.

My ever stoic parents have just returned from there where they were getting the house and garden all winter ready and frost proofed but found time to also negotiate a great deal. We slightly get the feeling that the people that run the venue are better at wine tastings than hotel bookings so it took longer and more effort than it should have done but done it is.

Mama did make me laugh though – Nick sent her a list of his immediate family members so she could choose and reserve the nicest rooms for them and he forgot to include himself on the list … this was her response:

Dear Nick and Bella, I have rung Joe about the nicest rooms, but here is what I think *(I am going to be very bossy and strict here, forgive me):
There is a reason for the tradition why a bridegroom must not see his bride on the wedding day before he sees her coming down the aisle towards him, in fact at midnight you two must go different ways - I hope for the last time in your whole long blessed life together!!!! No way are you going to get dressed together with curling tongues lying around and wedding dress hanging from a hook...
So you, Nick, have to join your family for just that last night and Bella will come to us if that's ok.
Saturday night I suppose there will not be much sleeping at all but Bella's room at home will definitely then be Mr. and Mrs. T’s rooms and on sunday you have to decide if you go off on your honeymoon or spent one more night in the vicinity before you go away. that is totally up to you and you can even keep it a total secret from anyone.....(also a tradition for a reason..)
Is that ok??
m

OK – maybe you need to know my mother to know how endearing this is. We’re definitely all of the opinion that you can pick and choose whichever traditions you want and leave the rest but this one clearly means a lot to my Mama!

Our home in Italy last Christmas - seriously!

Illustration via Print Society

Hard at work

(originally written 21st June)

This is definitely a holiday and not a wedding recce but obviously we are trying to get a bit of planning done especially since we've got la Mama and her Italian skills here.

We've pencilled the Rocca after a pretty successful meeting with one of the managers and N is now priming himself for negotiating prices. It shouldn't be too hard to knock them down a bit as most tourist based businesses here are seriously struggling at the moment. The local town, a Mecca for Chiantishire, was eerily quiet on this, the first weekend of the high season. It may sound a bit crass to be making the most of other's misfortune but until now a lot of them have been charging silly money and getting away with it (a newly opened but distinctly average build to let villa we considered renting for our guests quoted us 5,000euro a week - it sleeps 8! - err, no thanks!). Negotiating money makes me feel a bit queasy but luckily N's pretty good at it. We all have out strengths...

What is proving more complicated is the actual marriage part of the wedding - who do we speak to book the church? And exactly what paperwork do we need to marry in a Catholic church? We keep making little steps forward but not really getting to our intended destination which is locking down the date. So far a woman from the local council has promised to fax me something and we've got the phone number of someone who runs the church diary but who is currently on holiday.

Right, that's enough hard work - back to the real purpose of our being here...

Molti Fiori

[originally written 25th June 2009]

So one of the tasks we've set ourselves on our trip out to Italy is to make a note of which plants and flowers are out and at their best at this time of year. As I mentioned in a previous post I've been pretty keen on using wild, seasonal and indigenous flowers for our wedding. Well of course at this time of year, before the burning heat of July and August, we're spoilt for choice.

It seems however we are not going to have a choice in the colour scheme. To my surprise it's not cornflower blue or Tuscan oranges and yellows that dominate but ... pink.
Soft, pretty blousy pink. I'm not against the colour - I quite like the paler shade's shabby vintage qualities. But I wrote it off for our wedding as way too girly and cute and not N's cup of tea at all. (Plus the brighter shades really do not suit my colouring at all.) But really, we honestly don't have a choice - it's everywhere! Climbing roses, hydrangeas, geraniums, oleander, and wild sweet peas by every road side. If you can't beat it ...

can't stand the rain, 'gainst my windows

[originally written 23rd June 2009]

Err - I don't want to sound like a crazy Bridezilla - but this weather is not OK and someone up there better do some serious shaping up before this time next year or I'll show you some thunder and hail storms!

Jeez - it's nearly July, it's just been the longest day of the year and we're in god damn Italy. Sure when the sun is out it's glorious and the occasional cloud can bring some much needed relief from heat. Even when it's raining it's warm enough to swim but the lower terrace has flooded twice, the view looks like Scotland in March and we've had hail stones as big as olives!

To the amusement of all - I am not amused. Everyone keeps telling me it's a freak occurrence that can't possibly happen two years in a row (but what about Wayne and Coleen Rooney last year?!) Or that the only way to guarantee clear skies is not make any bad weather contingencies - hmm. I not a gambler; turns out I'm a worrier!

So this is kiiinda ok - I can deal with this - sort of

this is NOT!!!

and what the hell is this??! hail - what f*%# is it doing on my holiday?!

my mister wondering when Argyle got Olive Groves?...

what ever you think of them you have to feel sorry for this - right? [via the Sun]

but just in case you thought I was all doom in gloom - here's me dancing with a salamanda in the sunset - and you need the sun for a sunset! yeah you do!

Oh, only three hundred and sixy-five days to go ...

[Originally written 27th July 2009]

It's now officially less than a year until "the Big Day". I'm still veering between blase and mild panic.

N and I celebrated our minus one year anniversary by going out to dinner in Florence - we went to Zar Zar's near the Marcato Centrale and sat in the Piazza on their mismatched colourful chairs under twinkling fairy lights. I wish I had taken a picture but we were really just lapping a moment alone together. Apart from a few baking but tired hours on the morning we arrived, it is the only time we have had to ourselves. That's no complaint as it's been a great holiday so far - Mama & Papa, a little sister and various cousins are here. But the family fun might explain why we haven't yet got around to doing a little task we had lined up for this milestone...

A few months ago we heard a feature on Radio 4 about people who have written letters to themselves in the future. It was very moving; sometimes poignant and sometimes funny and it gave us the idea to write letters to each other and ourselves to be read at some point in the future. The first one will be written now, to be ready on our wedding day in one year's time. Once we've wed we'll do some more for further in the future - possibly 10 years although will I be able to wait that long!?

On another note though - how fit are fairy lights? Must definitely have them next year ....

[some of my favourite images via Style me Pretty]

(I think - haven't been very good at recording where my images come from - sorry!)

Old Posts from Italy

So these are the posts I failed to upload before - either because of dodgy connections while there or frustrating RSS issues here. I feel like such a blogging blond - hopefully all is fixed now and I'll start getting the hang of this thing!

Three down, fifteen to go ....

I have now been engaged for three months and one week. It is apparently fourteen months and nineteen days until my wedding day. And we have managed to do a fair amount …

Weddingy stuff we have achieved in 2009 so far:

• Boy asked the question and I said yes – lots of tears, excitement and fireworks - hooray! (Technically it was 2008, although it was already 2009 back home so I think that counts)
• Told all the most important people during vastly expensive phone calls – most of the rest found out on awful Facebook which we would have avoided if we could but we couldn’t
• Came home to London and told them all, all over again
• Had our announcement in The Times and The Daily Telegraph – so all our parents’ friends now know too
• Read lots of wedding websites and brides blogs and started to get imaginative
• Went to Hatton Garden to get ideas for the ‘ring of dreams’ (that’s all Boy’s department now though)
• Started to share notes on a Google Doc on anything we thought of that we particularly liked
• Started to write a guest list – gave up when it started to dawn on us quite how huge my family is and quite how many friends Boy has (oh no!)
• Shared all this with parents and parents-in-law-to-be during a lovely lunch where everyone had tons of great ideas and no one pooh-poohed anything – again hooray!
• Also discussed money at said lunch – agreed we didn’t want a big show-off affair. Parents and Parents-il2b generous, everyone realistic
• Turned 30 (oh no!) but best friend organised big fancy dress party – oh yes!
• Asked my two best un-married friends to be my maids-of-honour – lots of tears and excitement
• Asked my two little sisters and my sister 2B to be my bridesmaids - more excitement etc
• Went out to Italy with Mama, Papa and Boy to recee, thinking we’ll get lots more ideas and hopefully pin a few things down
• Suddenly everything clicks. A structure is formulated and a plan comes together
• Papa loves the prospect of having a son – they cut down trees and dig holes and do all the things that daughters only do reluctantly. I love Boy a lot.
• Come home and share the plan with the rest of the family – everyone thinks it is GREAT!
• Read too many wedding websites and brides blogs and started to feel a bit jaded
• Decide that once we have locked down the bigger logistical things (church, venue, caterers, etc) we’ll take a break from planning over the summer and come back to it refreshed and invigorated in September
• Decide I will definitely not try on any dresses until it is less than a year until my wedding (probably)
• Start keeping a blog
• Read wedding websites and brides blogs – but with a happy sense of perspective and measured excitement

The important thing for me at the moment is to try and maintain the joy and delight of Boy asking me to marry him. Luckily he’s so enthusiastic about everything that it’s not hard. I can’t tell you how lucky I feel to have a boy who doesn’t roll his eyes about anything wedding related or think his job is just to turn up, but reminds me everyday how lucky he feels too. Hooray hooray hooray!!

I do, I don't ...

At this early stage I only have a vague shimmery, just-out-of-reach idea of what I imagine the wedding to be like.

But somehow whenever I try to explain it, it ends up like a list of “don’ts”. I seem to be clearer on what I do not want rather than vice versa. Is that bad? By the same maxim, whenever I start looking at wedding dresses or style guides or such like I find myself more taken by the really tasteless or ridiculous; laughing hysterically at bridal magazines and wedding catalogues. Poor Boy has got quite fed up with me saying “look, I’ve found the perfect dress!” and then showing him something like this:

[image via uglydresses.com]
Or emailing him links to horrible usher gifts or wedding themed loo paper!

Do all brides go through this stage or is it just my warped form of procrastination?

[image via Fab Gifts4all.co.uk]

I will write my list of wedding "don’ts" but wish to emphasise a very important point to anyone who happens to read this – these are our personal preferences. I’ve been to lovely weddings that have many of these things; I don’t think there is anything wrong in any choice made by any couple if it feels right for them. If you’ve always dreamed of wedding themed loo paper, have it! I do really hate it when people say “you shouldn’t have this” or even “every wedding has to have such and such”. Someone said to me recently, “I can’t stand morning suits, noone looks good in them.” and I hadn't even asked for their opinion!

Anyway – here it goes in no particular and pretty random order:

• we don’t want round tables – long narrow tables are less formal and you get to talk to people opposite as well as next to you - fun!
• we don’t want matchy matchy colour schemes (where the flowers match the bridesmaids match the waistcoats match the napkins etc etc)
• we don’t want it to look too stiff and formal (probably no morning suits then!)
• on the other hand, we don’t want it to look too stingy or slapdash (as Boy says it’s getting the balance between home-made charm and a shoddy looking kiddie party!)
• don’t want the bridesmaids in block colour dresses – possibly not even matching dresses (not sure why I feel strongly about this but I do)
• we don’t want a symbolic ceremony but a proper serious catholic church wedding
• no venues with carpet! (so many beautiful wedding photos blighted by ugly patterned carpets)
• we don’t want to have to leave the party early and miss all the fun!
• we don’t want huge arranged flowers – the setting should be beautiful enough without them
• we don’t want status food or drinks (my theory is the more people you feed the less fussy the food needs to be – save Cordon Bleu for dinner à deux)
• I don’t want hundreds of bridesmaids (problem – two sisters, one sister-to-be, one sister-in-law-to-be, four best friends!)
• we don’t want to cripple all our families financially. It is after all one day out of our whole lives. Also we both have two younger siblings each who all deserve wonderful weddings too one day
• I don’t want Boy’s family to feel like just guests but fully involved members of the 'decision making committee' (especially since it is taking place at my parents house)
• lastly, we don’t want to be in England

This last one has been sorted out but maybe I should explain. Although we could have a lovely wedding in a marquee at my parent’s house in England it never felt like an 'us' option. I’m not 100% British and having a 4Weddings & Funeral style event, although lovely and classic, felt like it would renounce a significant part of my heritage. We also wanted something different and memorable that didn’t follow the blueprint set by the many weddings we have attended (we’re in our 30s!) which can start to blend into each other. Most importantly the house in Italy is a place we have shared and both love. We went on our first holiday together there, Boy had his 30th birthday party there with all his best friends, his parents and grandfather have been and loved it and not a year has gone by in the last six (or for me, practically my whole life) when we haven’t been at least twice. It’s still the traditional bride’s father’s house but with a significant modification.
Hmm - seems like pretty negative post - but I'm still feeling positive and I know I'll start getting my head around what I do want soon!