Monday, 6 April 2009

I do, I don't ...

At this early stage I only have a vague shimmery, just-out-of-reach idea of what I imagine the wedding to be like.

But somehow whenever I try to explain it, it ends up like a list of “don’ts”. I seem to be clearer on what I do not want rather than vice versa. Is that bad? By the same maxim, whenever I start looking at wedding dresses or style guides or such like I find myself more taken by the really tasteless or ridiculous; laughing hysterically at bridal magazines and wedding catalogues. Poor Boy has got quite fed up with me saying “look, I’ve found the perfect dress!” and then showing him something like this:

[image via]
Or emailing him links to horrible usher gifts or wedding themed loo paper!
Do all brides go through this stage or is it just my warped form of procrastination?

[image via Fab]

I will write my list of wedding "don’ts" but wish to emphasise a very important point to anyone who happens to read this – these are our personal preferences. I’ve been to lovely weddings that have many of these things; I don’t think there is anything wrong in any choice made by any couple if it feels right for them. If you’ve always dreamed of wedding themed loo paper, have it! I do really hate it when people say “you shouldn’t have this” or even “every wedding has to have such and such”. Someone said to me recently, “I can’t stand morning suits, noone looks good in them.” and I hadn't even asked for their opinion!

Anyway – here it goes in no particular and pretty random order:

  • we don’t want round tables – long narrow tables are less formal and you get to talk to people opposite as well as next to you - fun!
  • we don’t want matchy matchy colour schemes (where the flowers match the bridesmaids match the waistcoats match the napkins etc etc)
  • we don’t want it to look too stiff and formal (probably no morning suits then!)
  • on the other hand, we don’t want it to look too stingy or slapdash (as Boy says it’s getting the balance between home-made charm and a shoddy looking kiddie party!)
  • don’t want the bridesmaids in block colour dresses – possibly not even matching dresses (not sure why I feel strongly about this but I do)
  • we don’t want a symbolic ceremony but a proper serious catholic church wedding
  • no venues with carpet! (so many beautiful wedding photos blighted by ugly patterned carpets)
  • we don’t want to have to leave the party early and miss all the fun!
  • we don’t want huge arranged flowers – the setting should be beautiful enough without them
  • we don’t want status food or drinks (my theory is the more people you feed the less fussy the food needs to be – save Cordon Bleu for dinner à deux)
  • I don’t want hundreds of bridesmaids (problem – two sisters, one sister-to-be, one sister-in-law-to-be, four best friends!)
  • we don’t want to cripple all our families financially. It is after all one day out of our whole lives. Also we both have two younger siblings each who all deserve wonderful weddings too one day
  • I don’t want Boy’s family to feel like just guests but fully involved members of the 'decision making committee' (especially since it is taking place at my parents house)
  • lastly, we don’t want to be in England
This last one has been sorted out but maybe I should explain. Although we could have a lovely wedding in a marquee at my parent’s house in England it never felt like an 'us' option. I’m not 100% British and having a 4Weddings & Funeral style event, although lovely and classic, felt like it would renounce a significant part of my heritage. We also wanted something different and memorable that didn’t follow the blueprint set by the many weddings we have attended (we’re in our 30s!) which can start to blend into each other. Most importantly the house in Italy is a place we have shared and both love. We went on our first holiday together there, Boy had his 30th birthday party there with all his best friends, his parents and grandfather have been and loved it and not a year has gone by in the last six (or for me, practically my whole life) when we haven’t been at least twice. It’s still the traditional bride’s father’s house but with a significant modification.
Hmm - seems like pretty negative post - but I'm still feeling positive and I know I'll start getting my head around what I do want soon!


  1. Deciding what you *don't* want is undoubtedly the first step, at least for those of us who are horrified by so much of weddingyness.

    your plans so far sound gorgeous and a lot like our wedding (aside from the Catholic bit and the abroad bit!)

  2. Oh my - I thought you had read my mind! I literally wrote about this all yesterday and found your blog today!

    Oh personalisation of napkins, toilet roll, water bottles...oh my!