under ... where?

Time is running out and, as I am sure you can imagine, I have a million and one things to do (most of which should have been done ages ago, of course) that I almost feel guilty for sitting and chilling even for a moment.

However, a friend of mine, who got engaged not long after me, and is getting married a few months after, asked me for some important advice. And since it is really very important advice I thought I should pass what I told her on to any other prospective brides out there.

Now I realise that these interwebbed days, the chances of us betrothed ones getting great, sane, thought provoking advice, if you just go out and look, is improving by the minute.

But this isn't a big issue thing - it's a very small one.

But a vitally important one...

Knickers.


Now I do like good underwear (and yes, that can mean sexy as long it's pretty, not slutty sexy). And everywhere I looked I was presented with prettily presented wedding garments, coyly photographed and usually with fairly hefty price tags attached. So I thought I'd splash out, save up and go superficially lovely with what's underneath. I was thinking Fraya, La Perla, perhaps some cheeky Myla, or maybe that traditional bride stalwart Rigby and Peller. I ooh-ed and ahh-ed in anticipation.

But here's the thing - my dress. My dress is so beautiful and as much as I love pretty little lacy things, I did not want the beauty of my dress ruined by the the dreaded VPL. Oh no.

When I mentioned this to Rachel at my first fitting I was shocked how quickly she answered me.

"Debenhams Invisible Underwear."

Now I know it's not the prettiest - and probably not what your husband to be is hoping to find underneath your petticoats on your first night. But trust me, if your dress is even a little bit form fitting, don't even think about anything else. I mean it - there is nothing more invisible.

And maybe get the saucy stuff out on honeymoon.


first photo from Gilly Hicks. Second via La Perla.
Oh and this is a pretty handy piece of kit too.

Hunting for Dresses part trois

(Three is the magic number!)

So the story so far - after a fairly thorough search (see here) I finally found the perfect dress (see here.)*

But I am not the only one in need of frock .. I have an entourage and they need to look fabulous too!

Of all the decisions I have had to make, I never, ever, thought for a moment that this one would be the most difficult. Why on earth was it so difficult? My bridesmaids (sisters three) were pretty easy going about it, and they are all between a size 8 and 10 and would look good in a bin bag. The problem was me - I just couldn't make up my mind what sort of look we should go for. I fell in love with every idea I came across (I read too many blogs - that may be the problem.)

Back in the early days (a year ago now - eek!) I was pretty sure I didn't want them in matching block colour. I think mainly because I was (still am) resisting having a "wedding colour".

Then I was quite taken by the idea of Liberty print dresses.

Then I got my dress and wondered how much the girls' dresses needed to go with mine ... (answer, obviously: they don't)

Then I saw this picture and thought - I want them in a white or cream dresses of their own choice. How lovely and original!

[via once wed - so cute huh? by the way how lovely are the flowers?]

Then I found this collection of dresses all available at Portobello so it was off to the market. Possibly a bit optimistically since it was about 2c and trying on dresses in outdoor market stalls wasn't the funnest.

You see what a nightmare I've been? And my stoic sisters stand shivering in the cold hoping I'll make a bloody decision.

Nope.

We went to defrost in the Westfield (big mall, conveniently near) and thought we might as well have a quick peek in the bridesmaid staples that are Coast, Hobbs and LK Bennet. The latter had a couple of very pretty floaty little numbers. The sisters three tried them on and smiled.

"We like us being all matching" they chorused "We all feel pretty and just like bridesmaids" (well maybe a bit less Madeline) and the lovely lady in the shop who gave us bubbly and cups of tea said "I can give you a discount."

I wish I could say that was that. But is wasn't. For the next two months I vacillated. I thought about these dresses from Fenwicks (wouldn't they look nice in three different colours?)

[taken with my phone - apologies for quality]

but then they weren't really that nice on.

I went to a fabric shop with Mama and she offered to make the dresses**. Great idea - but then what style?

[from sewdirect - i love this website!]

More emails.

Two of the three are deep in their studies by this point. I would want to kill me.

Then last week Nick and I were back in the Westfield (we were buying maps) and we passed LK Bennet.

"Look Nick - that's the dress the sisters three quite liked and I didn't get."

"Show me"

So I tried it on for him and even held two more on hangers next to me so he could image the three of them together.

"And they liked them?"

"Yes. They said they felt pretty"

"and what don't you like about them?"

"umm - they are all matching and they are from an obvious shop"

"so you wanted to be more original?"

"um, yes"

"don't you think the sisters three have pretty individual styles and will make these lovely dresses look original anyway?"

"well, yes ..."

"the dress is gorgeous - get three now and make everyone happy"

Damn - I so should have brought him along ages ago.

So I slightly sheepishly asked the lovely manager (she really was very lovely) if could still have that discount. And now we have three of this dress and everyone has sighed a huge sigh of relief.

Hooray! - now what can I be a right pain about next ....

PS - I would like to thank the sisters three for lots of things but especially for their patience with this. Also - I actually only have two sisters, one is a doctor and the other is setting up her own business. The third is my sister-in-law-to-be who is doing her finals at Oxford a fortnight before the wedding. Saints I tell you!

*Well actually you don't get to "see here" because I'm not showing it anyone until the day. I'm crap at keeping secrets and very much want to show everyone but just this once I'm going to try.

** she really is that handy and has made our flowergirl's dresses in a jiffy including smocking them. Amazing. However, making dresses, if you choose nice fabric, is actually not at all cheaper than buying them off the rack. Ironic but sadly true.

Hunting for Dresses part deux

(And that's 'deux' not look any further for you Nick!)

So in my last post on this subject I dwelt rather heavily on the negative brain-melting putting-way-too-much-pressure-on-myself side of my dress hunting experience. I will now skip over to a much sunnier side of the street.

A complete abjuration of wedding dress shops wasn't really a workable option so I decided instead to rip off the plaster. I would take a Monday off work and have one whole day's try-on-athon, and I would do it with my mother. I was a little nervous. Mother and daughter stuff can be famously tricky - mothers don't just push your buttons, they made your buttons! I'm very close to my Mama but she influences me in ways friends can't or don't and has almost as strong an opinion on what suits me as I do. But I needn't have worried - she ain't no slouch in the style stakes and all she really ever looked at was the expression on my face so in the end the day pretty much rocked.

Of all the places I ended up going to these are the ones I recommend for those still hunting...

The Designer Wedding Dress Exchange - run from a really nice (and normal!) lady's front room in Weybridge. She has tons of designer dresses, including Vera Wang, Caroline Castigliano, Sassi Holford and on and on plus veils and shoes and other trappings. And everything is a lot cheaper than in the shops - I mean A LOT! I found a dress there that I liked - the David Fielden number below; all floaty and romantic - which I nearly got until we decided it looked a bit maternity on me. I really recommend this place though.

Oxfam - It was Peacocks Feathers' blog that first made me aware that this exists. Brilliant idea but it is luck of the draw. This time we went to the one in Leatherhead where the assistant again was really nice and has since called me when some new dresses came in that she thought I might like - how nice is that?!

Shikasuki - Speaking of the lovely Rachel Peacocks, I got to meet her in the very person when I went to this amazing vintage clothes shop in Primrose Hill. Not really a wedding dress shop but they have a incredible collection of beautiful pieces - one 1950 sequined evening dress I was very tempted by. I didn't go for it in the end as I knew Nick wouldn't like it that much (something about the neckline) but it would have been something wickedly different and fun. Maybe next time (ha ha).
(I did buy my sister some fabulous clip earrings there though.)
Mirror Mirror - verging on the snooty/pushy but they have a great selection of designers and let you take your time and take photos which is more than can be said for some other shops. I had a brief crush on a Cymbeline dress but got over it.
and finally ...
Heirloom Couture - Rachel (a different one) has a tiny little studio on Kensel Road. The first time I went I was alone, soaked from the rain and exhausted from work. It was like walking into an Aladdin's cave of dresses - beautiful pieces from 20's 30's, right through to amazing sequined 80s numbers. And best of all is Rachel herself - she's so sane and sweet you feel as though she is already one of your best friends the moment you walk in. But I was so ashamed of how sweaty and bothered I was and the fight I'd just had with my sister on the phone that I didn't really take any of it in. But back there with my mother I tried on a dress that fitted me as though it had been made for me and we couldn't stop smiling. Then I put on a veil and Mama burst into tears. So now the dress and the veil are mine and best of all, I got to share a very special moment with my dearest mother.

all pictures by friends and relatives except the first which is from here

Hunting for Dresses part un

(also known as part urrrgh)

It's funny how often the second or third question people ask when hearing of your impending nuptials is "have you found the dress?"
I have to admit it stressed me out somewhat - I totally over thought the whole process of picking a dress and went searching for some deeply esoteric philosophy on the whole thing and just generally tied myself up in knots. Mostly this was because there was a really expensive dress that I really liked and that was just a bummer because I felt stupid about wanting to spend so much on a stupid dress.
But now that I have found a dress I know why people ask that question. Because now I have the dress I smile a sort of secret happy smile when people ask me - because I am picturing the day itself so much more clearly now. And because the dress I found is so much better than anything I could have hoped for. So I guess people ask because they hope to see you pull a happy face (or maybe it's because it's more obvious than asking "have you chosen your font for your place settings yet?".)
As you can maybe tell from the collage above and from my previous posts here, here and here I spent months collecting tons and tons of pictures of dresses from millions of different sights and scrolled through them more often than was healthy. It sometimes felt like deciding who was going to be rather than what I was going to wear. Silly - but also fun in it's own way.
Then eventually I started going to shops which was usually a bit overwhelming. I think it may have been mentioned on a few other blogs before but, damn it, wedding-shop assistants can be annoying as hell! It should be like one of those dressing room montages in a movie - try on some totally wrong but funny dresses, laugh and pose and then find the right one. But those bloody assistants are always there in your face, "helping", commenting, or even looking non-plussed (and in some cases suspicious) - none of which puts you very at ease in my opinion.

Nope - montages don't work in real life and I was finding the amount of brain space this choice was taking up stressful if not say distracting from the things that really matter. It was winter - I was endlessly ill. I was fed up. So I took a break and refused to even look at another dress.

The dress that wasn't and the me that isn't

I was so sure I would never be one of the those who fell in love with a dress. I mean, it's just a dress and no piece of clothing has ever made me feel it was "the one" before so why should something long and white do it now?* I thought I'll go somewhere ethical and cheap, pick something that looks OK and that'll be it. On to the more important things.

Oh that long white piece of clothing, there's so much bloody hype about it. It seems to define us brides in a way the rest of the wedding paraphernalia doesn't. I'm pretty sure this isn't as it should be. But whether we choose to go whole hog traditional or not we can't help it making a statement about ourselves - white; not white; short; long; veil; no veil; vintage; new; home-made; bought for a fortune; bikini; jeans & tshirt; statement; no statement; whether or not we make these choices consciously, they end up saying something about us and also about how we feel about the whole wedding thing.

I know, I know, I'm totally over thinking this. I can't help it I'm afraid, it's a serious flaw of mine. That and subclauses.**

I tried to put all this to the back of my mind and off I went to my first ever wedding shop which happened to be an Oxfam Bridal and tried on a heaps and heaps of dresses. And nothing felt right but I didn't know why - I mean, they were all wedding dresses, what more did I want?

So on Mum's advice I went to some posh shops to have some fun with it and to get an idea of what I thought suited me. And I saw tons of stuff I liked and decided what cut and what fabric I preferred and preened and pranced in front of my bridesmaids and it was all very golly. But I couldn't put my finger on what was bothering me. Somehow these dresses came with baggage - it was as if they were wearing me. I did feel like a bride and that's what I was, right? "A" bride? What the hell was the problem?

So this is the dress that answered that - not because it was "the one" ... but because it wasn't.

My sister persuaded me to put it on. It's tea length, big skirted, 1950s style. I put it on and just loved it - it was the kind of dress you knew you would have a good time in. And it was so flattering - it gave my cucumber shaped body curves and showed off my legs. It swung about in the most fabulous way. Ooh I loved it.

Look - look how pretty. Click on this link and see how it swooshes and swings.

via Angelica Bridal

But but but. I knew this dress wasn't me - it's for someone pouty and dainty with short neat hair - Amelie or Coco, not gangly northern European Bella. My sisters could pull it off - they ride cute bicycles, do arty things and wear creative jewelery. My hair is always a mess, I have bad spacial awareness and I can't do neat eye makeup. In the past I've longed to be a girl who could wear that dress but I have now come to terms with the fact that I've got my own thing going on. I realised that what is most important is not that I look as pretty as a picture but that my friends and family, and most importantly Nick, recognise me on my wedding day.

So much as I find it absurd that one piece of clothing should have such over-hyped significance, I think I'd rather define than be defined.

And as though to prove my point Style me Pretty featured that dress in a photoshoot - soo cute but me in white gloves and oversized pearls - it just ain't me baby!



Then, after all that 'right-on-sister', personal affirmation stuff, I have promptly gone and got myself a serious crush*** on a stupidly expensive dress. Oops.

*I'm being a bit disingenuous because I do in fact search high and low for the perfect jeans and when I find them, after an inevitably lengthy struggle, love them more than inanimate denim deserves to be loved. But, hey, I practically live in them so that that's different.

**Please note that I am not making any judgements or assumptions here either - I not saying what a dress says about the bride - just commenting on how it somehow says something at all!

*** Note "crush" not "love". I'm still trying to be a bit rational.

Tres élégant...

My current obsession with stripes continues unchecked by having just seen beautiful Audrey Tautou in Coco Avant Chanel with little sis. We came out both quite determined to pout more from now on.

But back to the beautiful dresses that seem to be all I can think about at the moment (mild exaggeration, but just mild). I have totally fallen in love again! The superlative Style me Pretty offered up this beauty today and my knees really did go weak for a moment:

This isn't an actual real wedding but a photo shoot and the dress is supplied by a shop in Atlanta Georgia. Booo! Too far away and since video conferencing has been invented I have no excuse to go there. (more pouting!)

I did a little bit of detective work and I think it's this dress, Antibes from Cymbeline...

Although I think it looks nicer in the photo shoot. (I almost said 'in real life' there - tsk, dreaming again!)
But what have we here - another, if possible, more stunning dress from the same designer!! Too much heart fluttering for one day - I blame Coco for this fit of sartorial gluttony.

all pictures from Cymbeline website except the last one which is from Brides Magazine.co.uk

A good week's round up

I can't believe it has been over a week since my last post - and I meant to be so much better. I get too distracted at reading everyone's lovely blogs though and never quite get round to writing anything myself.

So what has happened in the last week - first we went to this festival

Space theme so sparkles and stars all over everything. And to give you an idea of quite how lovely this boutique festival is; I lost my camera - lots of tears from me at all the pictures lost as well as curses at the alleged thief - only to have it handed into lost property the next day, without even any rude photos added!
My very very pregnant best friend came too - she should have come as the moon she is so perfectly spherical. Can't wait to meet whoever is inside that belly of hers!
Then during the week, we feasted with friends under the stars in our wee back garden and I went on my first proper wedding-dress trying on session.
Oooh, that was fun! We went to Pronovias on Bond street - my littlest sister and maid of honour and I. It was so interesting; what I turned out liking and what suited me. Lots of the dress pictures I have saved so far are of rather sweet and pretty dresses but that style actually looked totally wrong on me; as though I was dressing up as a little girl. (I am 30 after all!) And the more fitted fishtail designs, which I always thought too grown-up and dressy for our countryside wedding, looked, well really lovely. (!!) We only went to get ideas though; I'm hoping to get something cheaper and more sustainable than designer and although my head was turned by a lovely lacy vintage style number I'm still determined to keep the price tag realistic.
We ended the week westwards, sunning ourselves with Sunday papers in Somerset with my Mother and Sister-in-law-to-be, so blissful!
So here are a few of the lovely dresses I won't be wearing due to my being about eight years too old - goodbye pretty dresses ... one last oogle!

Top row l > r: Luisa Baccaria; via Brides; via Bridesmagazine; Stephanie Allin; Lisa Warninger; Luisa Baccaria
Bottom row l>r: Bridesmagazine; David Fielden; Kitty Chen; Seraphine via Brides; Jasper Conran; Jasper Conran

Thank Frock is Friday

Off to party in a field with friends old and new this afternoon - the car is full, not just with tents and wellies but also almost our entire bedroom. N and I don't really do capsule packing - we'd rather sleep in style and comfort so duvets, pillows, inflatable mattress, Turkish floor rugs, lanterns and camping chairs all get brought along. Now we just need to pray it doesn't rain .. too much - but we'll party on regardless of course.

Next week I'm going for my first proper wedding dress trying on session. I have collected a lot (I mean A LOT) of pictures of pretty dresses but really have no idea what I'll end up going for.

This is one I found on Sugar Love Weddings - love it's beautiful vintagy floatiness; delicate without being prissy. The dress is by Hanna Kossowska and the bride in the photo shoot couldn't look more gorgeous, no?

Right - hitting the road to festival fun - see you next week! x